Suaimhneas: Living Goddess

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

― Corrie Ten Boom

Anxiety

I hardly slept. I went to bed later than normal around 10:15 pm, because I was feeling anxious about work. And I was wide awake a little over two hours later, before 1 am. I rolled and rolled and tried to quiet my mind, but gave up around 2 am.

I used to experience night anxiety at least once a week and sometimes more depending on how insane the workdays were, but in the past year things had quieted down. I thought I had managed to overcome it, but really I think maybe the situation at work was just better, less anxiety-inducing. Yesterday induced mega anxiety.

My new rule is if I’m wide awake, I need to get up and do something, start the day, get into it and see what happens. Action, any action, helps kill the anxious thoughts.

So I got up shortly before 2 am.

I jumped into the normal routine of matcha and writing, hoping that I would tire maybe and be able to go back to bed and get a bit more sleep.

Around 4 am I started to tire, so I texted Pat to cancel our walk and I went back to bed to try and sleep for a few hours before work. And I eeked out a few more restless hours of sleep before work.

It seems I am beginning the descent into a valley, but I am not going too deep or far this time. This is just a blip.

Life List

As expected, scores dropped today to 8/15. I’ll take 53% on a super bad day. If I can maintain over half of my good habits throughout an emotional valley, then this experiment will be declared a big success. That is the point of it all! To get to a place where even the toughest days don’t take away all my self-care and joy.

1. Drink water, matcha, green and hibiscus teas √
2. Eat more vegetables and fruits than anything else
3. Exercise
4. Go outside √
5. Remember to stretch and squat
6. Read or listen to a book
7. Make your bed √
8. Enjoy the little things
9. Be conscious and present √
10. Live in a tidy place √
11. Go outside
12. Try new things and give yourself permission to fail
13. Work with intention √
14. Laugh loudly and often √
15. Live with gratitude √

Today looked like …