For the last decade, I have been thinking about starting a new blog to coincide with a lifestyle challenge or change.
In 2017, I recklessly dove in and created a new blog called Simply Fierce, which focused on my attempts to live a healthier lifestyle including diet, exercise, and meditation. I eeked out a meagre 24 published posts with an additional eight ideas in draft, but I wasn’t consistent. Honestly, I lacked the drive and energy to fulfill my blog vision. However, my life improved so much in the areas of nutrition and finances, 2017 was truly a life-changing milestone year.
Life happened and continued to evolve through a major career change, my first overnight hospital stay and surgery, the deaths of two very special men in my life, a mental health break, a move back with my parents, the purchase of my own home, a move into my first home, and of course, an international pandemic. Throughout everything the idea of a new blog continued to percolate in the shadowy corners of my brain, but it’s only in the last two months that the concept finally emerged and demanded I take action.
So, here I am, blogging again.
Suaimhneas (Swev-ness)
calm » suaimhneas
New English – Irish Dictionary https://www.teanglann.ie/en/
calmness » suaimhneas
composure » Suaimhneas
hush » suaimhneas
leisureliness » suaimhneas
peace » Suaimhneas
peacefulness » suaimhneas
quiescence » suaimhneas
quiet » Suaimhneas
quietness » suaimhneas
quietude » suaimhneas
repose » Suaimhneas
restfulness » Suaimhneas
serenity » suaimhneas
soberness » Suaimhneas
stillness » suaimhneas
tranquillity » suaimhneas
During COVID, I spent four months completely alone, isolated in my apartment and I realized pretty quickly that if the pandemic was going to continue, or if anything like it ever happened again, I wanted to be within walking distance of my community – my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins, best friend, and life partner. Before the pandemic, I had been looking to buy a house in town close to my workplace. During the pandemic my vision for my entire future changed.
My parents gave me land beside their house and I looked at RVs, mini-homes, modular homes, and homes built out of train boxcars to find some way to quickly relocate closer to my family. Initially, it seemed impossible. It felt like I was going to have to settle for something less than what I imagined. It felt like I would be going so deeply into debt I would spend the rest of my life working to pay off this move. But then I found a company in the province who were building the kind of tiny homes that I really liked, with high ceilings and lofts. I met with them and got good vibes. I showed them my ideas and they said they could create my dream tiny home. I believed them and got very excited, only to run into the obstacle of funding. Everywhere I heard, “People don’t get mortgages for tiny homes.” I pursued every avenue that I could think of to get enough money to buy my home, and watched as one door after another closed on me.
I remember the moment that I gave up. I was on the phone with my mom, listening to her through my bluetooth headphones, and we were talking about next steps for me. I hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself, but I thought I needed to give up on my tiny house dream and find a new plan. I said something like, “I dunno, I don’t think I can make this happen. I don’t know what to do next.” I barely finished my sentence when I heard a notification ding. The builder had messaged that he might have found an option. How many times has this happened to me? I hold on too tightly to a vision for myself, trying to control everyone and everything in my way, only to have it appear instantly the moment I loosen my grip and give in to whatever will be. I should know this by now. I should remember and relax and allow things to happen from the beginning, but somehow I always forget.
While the rest is history, as they say, it wasn’t a straight-forward venture. There were a lot of hoops to jump through, a lot of modifications that I might not have bothered with if left on my own, but in the end a lender gave me a mortgage and I got the home I’d always wanted, 40 feet long by 10 feet wide, 15 windows including the garden door, no longer on wheels, fully anchored and rooted into the ground. Guess what? I might be the only person to get a mortgage for a tiny home.
She is the love of my life, where I was always meant to be, perfect for me in every way that matters. Her name is Suaimhneas, pronounced Swev-ness, because I have Ireland in my blood and this home represents all the calm, serenity and tranquility of my life now and into the future. If you were a fly on my wall, you would hear me say out loud most mornings and some nights, “Good morning, Suaimhneas! I love you!” “Good night, Suaimhneas, thank you for this glorious day.” In my mind, I envision my arms wrapping her in a big warm hug. Sometimes I just sit on my couch and gaze across my kitchen, up into the loft, through my bedroom and into the bathroom and smile, bursting with joy at being here with her.
Living
Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.
Allen Saunders
I have been on a journey for a long time to simplify and live a more intentional life, to improve my health and wellness so I can not only live a long life, but an active one. Along the way I have adopted some positive habits and changes that I believe have improved my health and wellness and increased my life span. I quit smoking. I rarely drink soft drinks. I always take my coffee or tea black. I drink lesss coffee. I consume less sugar and salt. I eat more fruits and vegetables. I sleep better. I have made some progress, but I am not nearly done. I still need to shed the pounds of a whole other person off my body, for one thing.
In recent years, I’ve been learning more about the positive impact of habit stacking, having routines and structure, and I have worked with planners and apps and other tools in order to create and maintain routines and a daily structure of positive habits. But I haven’t reached a place where anything has become unshakeable and unbreakable. I sail along very well as I climb the moutain and race across the peak, but when I hit the next valley the wheels come off and I derail, often gravitating back to the bad habits that have been my auto-pilot for most of my adult life … fast food, alcohol, television binge watching, late night treats, sleeping less, falling into a depression …
I want to get to a place in my life where my routines, structure and positive habits actually help me to navigate through the valleys more quickly and easily. Rather than getting overwhelmed by my emotions and mindlessly trying to escape them through food, drinks, and television, I want to quickly get to the place where I always get eventually anyway, the place where I am present with my emotions, acknowledging and processing them. I am not there yet. Again, I have made some progress. I’ve been able to navigate some valleys in a matter of months rather than a full year, but they weren’t that deep, and because everyone in my immediate family is still living, I know some of the deepest valleys are yet to come.
I know I am a happier, more productive and more present human being when I embrace positive habits, follow a routine and have structure to my days. But, I also know that I tend to get bored with the apps, resent the timers, and burn out from constantly pushing myself. I want to live freely, spontaneously, creatively! Any new habits that I lean into or routines that I put in place really need to feel natural for the me that always has been, as well as support the development of the me that I hope to become.
Goddess
You can have a great mentor, a great partner, a great love in your life who gives you confidence and makes you feel great about yourself. And that’s all wonderful, but at the end of the day, if you don’t believe it, all of that means nothing.
Jennifer Lopez
Recently, I saw a meme on social media that made me pause. The photo was an old statue of a mostly naked obese woman. She had thick thighs and belly rolls not unlike my own, resting seductively on her backside in what would be a “come hither” position in a romance book. The caption contained some body positive messaging about how this vision represented a goddess in the past.
It’s true that the average woman was sturdier in olden times from birthing so many children and working very hard inside and outside to keep everyone fed, clothed, clean, and sheltered. I imagine muscles and callouses. Being overweight meant wealth back then, because the wealthy could afford the fattest roasts, the most decadent sweets, and a staff to manage their households and children. It makes sense to me that being a bit plump would have been attractive in that society as it represented status and wealth.
Of course, today, society values the skinny girls. That also makes sense to me because modern society’s average lifestyle and diet promotes obesity. For most people, it requires extra effort, extreme wealth, or both to be the attractive skinny girl. So again, it makes sense to me that society would associate thinness with beauty and good health, because fat has become the status quo.
I’ve lived with one mirror for several years now. In my apartment it was in the bathroom over the sink. In my house, it’s in my bedroom above the nightstand. My mirror reveals a head and shoulders view. I can wash the sleep out of my eyes, tame the rooster tails in my hair, check my smile for food caught between my teeth, and apply a bit of make-up. I don’t know what that sweater and pants look like on my body. I can’t see whether my butt has grown or shrunk. I think the one mirror thing began much further back and just happened naturally, rather than being a conscious choice. But I know that I am happier not having a full length mirror or more than one mirror.
When I was younger and spending many hours of my day sitting in front of a large mirror doing my hair, trying on outfits, applying oils, creams, and make-up, I would look at my sometimes very frail and sickly frame and see an ugly fat person. No matter how emaciated I got, I could only see fat ugliness in the mirror. Now, on the random occasion when I catch my full reflection in a mirror, I see the wrinkles and rolls of fat and general blob-like structure of my body and I think, “Not too bad!” It’s a bizarre shift of thought processing and while I prefer the latter, I’m not sure it’s any more healthy. Obesity will kill me as sure as anorexia would have, and while I have clearly made progress toward embracing my inner goddess, there is more work to do on loving myself.
In the past few months I have found myself returning to some hobbies and habits that I used to really enjoy but abandoned sometime in the last two decades. I used to read every day for pleasure. I used to be a prolific blogger, writing and sharing thousands of words every day. I used to be part of writing communities and take workshops and go to festivals and retreats. I used to cook delicious meals full of nourishment and colour that satisfied my hunger and also brought me joy. Time passes so quickly. I went to my first writers event in almost 10 years this fall. I can’t believe how long it had been since I’ve finished a book and in the past few months I’ve finished several. This shift feels like a welcome return to my true self, but why did I stop? What happened that I abandoned many of the things that feed my spirit? How did I become so disconnected from the goddess that is me?
That was one very deep valley.
Intention
Our intention creates our reality.
Wayne Dyer
Through all of the somewhat disjointed thoughts above, the idea for my new blog formed. If I can spend decades avoiding the activites that define who I am at my core and truly nourish my mind, body and spirit, could I not easily spend one year intentionally pursuing them? The years pass by so quickly. One year is so little time. Yet, if I could maintain some habits and routines for a whole year consistently through highs and lows, wouldn’t that be long enough to cement them into place in my life? And how might my life change through this practice?
To me, “Suaimhneas: Living Goddess” means peace, joy and beauty, internally and externally. My new blog title represents my intention for the next year as I conduct this personal experiment that I believe will change my life for the better. I have developed a list called Best Life Practices. I believe if I perform these 15 actions daily for one year, my life will change immensely. However, I am committing to maintaining only one new habit, and that is to check-in daily on this blog and share the actions I took. Sometimes this will mean just posting the list with simple check marks. Sometimes I imagine there will be thoughts about the actions or my day. Sometimes I might even feel inspired to write a stand-alone post reflecting on part of the journey or something that happened in my day. I’ve set it up so I can easily update the list anywhere from my phone or tablet. Other than lack of internet service or being rendered unconscious, I have no excuse to miss any day.
I am not creating routines to incorporate all the activities into my day. Indeed, I am not committing to performing all of the activities every single day. My only committment is to examine the list at the end of my day and acknowledge what actions happened. This is me keeping it simple. Yet, I think it will provide enough motivation to start doing all the things more consistently.
I don’t know whether any readers will follow this journey. I don’t know whether I even want anyone to follow this journey. My desire to document the challenge is partly to impose some kind of accountability for myself, and partly because I used to love to blog and I really want to get back to all the things that I used to love and somehow lost along the way. So if you’re reading this, welcome, and thank you (I think).
Best Life Practices
- Drink water, matcha, green and hibiscus teas ✔
- Eat more vegetables and fruits than anything else ✔
- Exercise ✔
- Go outside ✔
- Remember to stretch and squat ✔
- Read or listen to a book
- Make your bed
- Enjoy the little things ✔
- Be conscious and present ✔
- Live in a tidy place ✔
- Go outside ✔
- Try new things and give yourself permission to fail ✔
- Work with intention
- Laugh loudly and often ✔
- Live with gratitude ✔
Suaimhneas: Living Goddess 
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